as my friends got wind that i am seeking for a new job,
many offered recommendations, referral to their friends, their friend's friend.
im touched. yes, thank you everyone for looking out for me. what will i do without you people...
i have to get my acts together and kick my own ass to get going.
i was feeling pathetic about myself doing temp work... you know, it is HARD work. but what the heck, it is not labourous jobs,,, and i need to money, so why was i feeling pathetic? just have to get my acts in action, start thinking of what i wanna do. hey you know what, i wanna work in F&B... ya, long operational hours and all... but i want to learn the trade. i think i have a gift for that. i have actually forged ahead to send my resume to the local food outlet chain.
"have food, will travel".
i am wondering if i should contact an ex-colleague who is now the COO of the so-called 5 star branded restaurants in s'pore and ask him for a job since i am so keen to get my feet wet in the F&B industry. shy lei. so shy to ask. *sigh* i am very "thin" skin kind of person...eventhough i dont look like one. i just met that COO last week at a gathering but i didnt bother to emmm... do some small talk. if you really know me,,, i seldom do any small talk, long talk, whatever talk. i just like to talk to myself and my friends. i think i ought to change my attitude. i should just be more comfortable to do all sorts of talking to anyone from now on. ok, this is my new mission to help elevate me to another level with my social skills.
ok ok i got to go now. time to spend some time with my dear hubby whose BD came and gone without much hype from me...
talk to you soon!
Saturday, May 21, 2005
Monday, May 16, 2005
the apprentice
recently i've been to a couple of interviews.
one interesting one is at this institution that needs a marketing officer to replace the person who's leaving. this person is expected to execute- tradeshows, do product presentation, manage an alumni, travel to service regional clients, penetrate new markets overseas, etc etc. sounds interesting isn't it? yes, the interview was equally interesting. first round was with the HR manager. blah blah blah a lot of getting to know me and the things that i've done. next day, they called me up for a second interview. wow, i thought; so fast? ok, just see how it goes, im always with an open mind.
the 2nd interview was a panel interview. one director who is in-charge of HR, Marketing & Planning. two other girls who are key personnels. seated next to me was the other potential candidate whom they have shortlisted as well. so the two of us were interviewed the "Donal Trump" way. you know-- the apprentice style where you gotta sell yourself, be assertive and basically say why you think you should be hired. i, for one is not those who would go for the kill. i dont like to see the face of the animal that is gonna be sacrificed. hahahaha. idiot right? i asked the director if it has to be either or? cant he just hire the both of us? haha. they all laughed too.
well, let's just say that i objectively stated my portfolio and talk a little about myself etc and basically just wasnt competitive.
one day after the interview, i felt so damn lousy. you see, the girl that was seated next to me was a freshie. freshie from estate mgmt NUS. come on, what the heck were they thinking? estate mgmt to do an international marketing job? fuck. can i curse here? really fucking feeling. i hate to be egoistic but i think i was made a clown. on one hand im talking about real life instances and on the other hand, she was giving text book answers. fucking dull feeling i get.
ok ok, i'll call the director in a minute and tell them im withdrawing my application. i think the disparity they are willing to settle for is too great for me to accept.
i am kidding la. i'll just leave it alone. i do not know their rationale, but they did say that they are giving freshies a chance so i shouldnt be so damn full of pride. if they appreciate me, they'll make an offer. if they settle for someone else, may the best man/woman win. this is my wiseman talking. dont be shocked by my outburst ok?
me and a buddy organised a gathering for about 40 of my ex-colleagues. we called 85 but 40 turned up.
it was nice and heartwarming to see the happy expression on their faces when they reunite. many of them had not seen each other the last 5-6 years. it is funny how sometimes you quarrel with each other at work but after that you let it be bygones. (not talking about me, im referring to my observation). there are some that will not let it be bygones perhaps the betrayal was too hurting. i dunno. i just thought it would be nice to bring old people together and make peace while sun shine. hahah.
one interesting one is at this institution that needs a marketing officer to replace the person who's leaving. this person is expected to execute- tradeshows, do product presentation, manage an alumni, travel to service regional clients, penetrate new markets overseas, etc etc. sounds interesting isn't it? yes, the interview was equally interesting. first round was with the HR manager. blah blah blah a lot of getting to know me and the things that i've done. next day, they called me up for a second interview. wow, i thought; so fast? ok, just see how it goes, im always with an open mind.
the 2nd interview was a panel interview. one director who is in-charge of HR, Marketing & Planning. two other girls who are key personnels. seated next to me was the other potential candidate whom they have shortlisted as well. so the two of us were interviewed the "Donal Trump" way. you know-- the apprentice style where you gotta sell yourself, be assertive and basically say why you think you should be hired. i, for one is not those who would go for the kill. i dont like to see the face of the animal that is gonna be sacrificed. hahahaha. idiot right? i asked the director if it has to be either or? cant he just hire the both of us? haha. they all laughed too.
well, let's just say that i objectively stated my portfolio and talk a little about myself etc and basically just wasnt competitive.
one day after the interview, i felt so damn lousy. you see, the girl that was seated next to me was a freshie. freshie from estate mgmt NUS. come on, what the heck were they thinking? estate mgmt to do an international marketing job? fuck. can i curse here? really fucking feeling. i hate to be egoistic but i think i was made a clown. on one hand im talking about real life instances and on the other hand, she was giving text book answers. fucking dull feeling i get.
ok ok, i'll call the director in a minute and tell them im withdrawing my application. i think the disparity they are willing to settle for is too great for me to accept.
i am kidding la. i'll just leave it alone. i do not know their rationale, but they did say that they are giving freshies a chance so i shouldnt be so damn full of pride. if they appreciate me, they'll make an offer. if they settle for someone else, may the best man/woman win. this is my wiseman talking. dont be shocked by my outburst ok?
me and a buddy organised a gathering for about 40 of my ex-colleagues. we called 85 but 40 turned up.
it was nice and heartwarming to see the happy expression on their faces when they reunite. many of them had not seen each other the last 5-6 years. it is funny how sometimes you quarrel with each other at work but after that you let it be bygones. (not talking about me, im referring to my observation). there are some that will not let it be bygones perhaps the betrayal was too hurting. i dunno. i just thought it would be nice to bring old people together and make peace while sun shine. hahah.
Saturday, May 07, 2005
cry buckets
Each time I leave a job, I cry buckets.
But the buckets get smaller as I age.
But I think I’ll cry mountains when I die.
You see, im such an affectionate creature.
Perhaps it is because I’m always living the moment, enjoying the moment, in my mind, I wish that everything stays the same. For a very long time.
Everything I do, I give my best shot, hence there’s always emotional input and attachment and this rosy picture that I create. So whenever I have to move on or say good-bye, it is difficult. But after the door is shut, I moved on, I no longer whine or pine. In fact, most if the time I develop a form of amnesia. Sometimes I don’t even match the other person’s affection becos I don’t remember. And that may seem heartless. But really, there really had been the most input of love and friendship to most of my happenings, just that sometimes after I move on, the chapter is closed. Perhaps this is the way I cope with separation. I used to think that every thing will come to an end so why even start? It took me eons to learn that that was such negative and closet thinking that created a wall around me and few could penetrate. Don’t worry im no longer like that. Every single second to me is precious and I treasure every opportunity I have with anyone. I read a book once that said it you have 20 more years to live and your gather with your family once a year (in many culture, all children live in different countries / states and gather a few times a year or once in a few years) k anyway if you have 20 years to go and you meet once a year, you actually have 20 occasions left. Yes, some think that why worry? 20 years is a long time, I could talk on the phone, letter, email, video phone, etc, anytime. But really, we are living our lives every day, working, sleeping, going about our ususal things, bring up our dogs, our kids, our plants maybe. So 20 occasions means just 20 occasions. I always plan to meet up old pals becos I think some of them I meet perhaps once or twice a year, some of them perhaps once in 2, 3 years. So each occasion is important to me.
That brings me to tomorrow. Tomorrow we are celebrating mother’s day. With all my aunts, my mom & mom-in-law. All under one roof. Wow. I love that idea. We did that last year and it was great fun. The only thing I feel so lousy about is that I don’t have ebough budget to buy them anything. Something small and nice like a rose perhaps? Aw how broke can you be you think. Ya dead broke. I don’t know how I got at this stage but im sure I can break through this. God is with me, so I must see what I am learning from this. Oh, I bought 3 tubs of ice cream for the party tomorrow. Ya at least that is sweet isn’t it? But next year, I’LL MAKE SURE THAT I CAN GET ALL MOTHERS AT OUR PARTY SOMETHING DECENT LIKE A HANDBAG, A PURSE, A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS, CAKE, OR ANYTHING DECENT. So you see, I struggle with my desire and with my situation. Can’t get what I want, can’t do what I want. So damn lousy feeling. But it will be lousier to sit and whine. And im never a quitter. So God, please take me to greater heights. I am ready.
I have finally left the job I love.
Such irony you say.
Ya, I just need to leave. Call it quits. I cant do it, I think ive bitten more that I could chew and that damaged me. 1 step forward 3 steps back. Confidence has taken a back seat. Blah blah blah. How? Feel like resigning to fate but no no no. yes yes yes. Come what may. Just do my job, keep looking, stay positive, do the right things, take the right action. That leave it to the universe to synchronize the rest for me.
I have never been to Malaysia, JB just for the food. Last weekend, I did just that and it was fun. The food is real good man. Yum yum. Dirty old looking hawker place is just like how I remember our Singapore’s hawker in the 70s. yes I am old in case you are thinking. When I was 4-5 yrs old, I remember my father brought me to Chinatown, people’s park area where rows of hawker stalls ply the street. It was dirty, oily but yummy. Just like it is at JB now, real cool. My dad used to buy just one plate of “Or Luak” (fried oyster with eggs) and he’ll portion it 1/6th. One tiny portion for me and whole 5th for himself. Ya my father is full of himself but it’s ok I mean I was tiny and skinny, how much could I eat anyway? Anyway, it was a joy to eat out with my dad and I remember those episodes fondly till today. It is always Or Luak or Chay Kway Teow and I always have just 1/6th. Anyway, to reminisce those days or to have a flavour of it before it disappears, please go JB.
That day at the hairdresser, the shampoo girl came over and whispered excitedly to my hairdresser while he was snipping my hair:”that young boy is her son?”
“ya, she married late..” my hairdresser said nonchalantly.
I sat there and wonder, would they say that about me? I mean it’s nothing mean but it’s something gossip-worthy?
Im turning 32 by the end of the year and I have no sight of having a baby yet. Gosh, I can’t imagine how I would cope and how I would not cope and when am I ready to have a baby? I think I am the oldest eligible married person who hasn’t got a baby in my entire clan. The only consolation is that I don’t look 32. most people think im at my late 20s but anyway, that is my consolation I guess. But it’s no consolation really, becos I don’t believe in hiding my age so that next thing I always do is to blurt out my age and I’ll first see the disbelief on their faces then the “thinking hard” look, calculating my age and picturing me an aged mom or whatever. I think that we should only have babies when we want to or if the situation arise, just got to learn to handle it, but whatever the case, society should not have an unspoken dogmatic view about an ideal mommy’s age like how the NATIONAL NEWSPAPER defines the ideal mom’s age as 24 – 30 or something along that line. All I remember is that I fall into the “dangerous” age or implying that the embro might be unhealthy or implying danger or unhealthy baby etc etc. when you read these kind of figures in terms of reports or findings, it limits your mind to think that there is truth to it. Anyway, I can’t just act out of fear or whatever so im just pointing out that it is useless telling people about those negative findings. It just makes matters worse. You either worry them or make them act in a haste or out of fear. So whatever good intention backfires. Never ever publish some limiting data that propagates limiting beliefs. The uneducated ones will suffer.
But the buckets get smaller as I age.
But I think I’ll cry mountains when I die.
You see, im such an affectionate creature.
Perhaps it is because I’m always living the moment, enjoying the moment, in my mind, I wish that everything stays the same. For a very long time.
Everything I do, I give my best shot, hence there’s always emotional input and attachment and this rosy picture that I create. So whenever I have to move on or say good-bye, it is difficult. But after the door is shut, I moved on, I no longer whine or pine. In fact, most if the time I develop a form of amnesia. Sometimes I don’t even match the other person’s affection becos I don’t remember. And that may seem heartless. But really, there really had been the most input of love and friendship to most of my happenings, just that sometimes after I move on, the chapter is closed. Perhaps this is the way I cope with separation. I used to think that every thing will come to an end so why even start? It took me eons to learn that that was such negative and closet thinking that created a wall around me and few could penetrate. Don’t worry im no longer like that. Every single second to me is precious and I treasure every opportunity I have with anyone. I read a book once that said it you have 20 more years to live and your gather with your family once a year (in many culture, all children live in different countries / states and gather a few times a year or once in a few years) k anyway if you have 20 years to go and you meet once a year, you actually have 20 occasions left. Yes, some think that why worry? 20 years is a long time, I could talk on the phone, letter, email, video phone, etc, anytime. But really, we are living our lives every day, working, sleeping, going about our ususal things, bring up our dogs, our kids, our plants maybe. So 20 occasions means just 20 occasions. I always plan to meet up old pals becos I think some of them I meet perhaps once or twice a year, some of them perhaps once in 2, 3 years. So each occasion is important to me.
That brings me to tomorrow. Tomorrow we are celebrating mother’s day. With all my aunts, my mom & mom-in-law. All under one roof. Wow. I love that idea. We did that last year and it was great fun. The only thing I feel so lousy about is that I don’t have ebough budget to buy them anything. Something small and nice like a rose perhaps? Aw how broke can you be you think. Ya dead broke. I don’t know how I got at this stage but im sure I can break through this. God is with me, so I must see what I am learning from this. Oh, I bought 3 tubs of ice cream for the party tomorrow. Ya at least that is sweet isn’t it? But next year, I’LL MAKE SURE THAT I CAN GET ALL MOTHERS AT OUR PARTY SOMETHING DECENT LIKE A HANDBAG, A PURSE, A BOUQUET OF FLOWERS, CAKE, OR ANYTHING DECENT. So you see, I struggle with my desire and with my situation. Can’t get what I want, can’t do what I want. So damn lousy feeling. But it will be lousier to sit and whine. And im never a quitter. So God, please take me to greater heights. I am ready.
I have finally left the job I love.
Such irony you say.
Ya, I just need to leave. Call it quits. I cant do it, I think ive bitten more that I could chew and that damaged me. 1 step forward 3 steps back. Confidence has taken a back seat. Blah blah blah. How? Feel like resigning to fate but no no no. yes yes yes. Come what may. Just do my job, keep looking, stay positive, do the right things, take the right action. That leave it to the universe to synchronize the rest for me.
I have never been to Malaysia, JB just for the food. Last weekend, I did just that and it was fun. The food is real good man. Yum yum. Dirty old looking hawker place is just like how I remember our Singapore’s hawker in the 70s. yes I am old in case you are thinking. When I was 4-5 yrs old, I remember my father brought me to Chinatown, people’s park area where rows of hawker stalls ply the street. It was dirty, oily but yummy. Just like it is at JB now, real cool. My dad used to buy just one plate of “Or Luak” (fried oyster with eggs) and he’ll portion it 1/6th. One tiny portion for me and whole 5th for himself. Ya my father is full of himself but it’s ok I mean I was tiny and skinny, how much could I eat anyway? Anyway, it was a joy to eat out with my dad and I remember those episodes fondly till today. It is always Or Luak or Chay Kway Teow and I always have just 1/6th. Anyway, to reminisce those days or to have a flavour of it before it disappears, please go JB.
That day at the hairdresser, the shampoo girl came over and whispered excitedly to my hairdresser while he was snipping my hair:”that young boy is her son?”
“ya, she married late..” my hairdresser said nonchalantly.
I sat there and wonder, would they say that about me? I mean it’s nothing mean but it’s something gossip-worthy?
Im turning 32 by the end of the year and I have no sight of having a baby yet. Gosh, I can’t imagine how I would cope and how I would not cope and when am I ready to have a baby? I think I am the oldest eligible married person who hasn’t got a baby in my entire clan. The only consolation is that I don’t look 32. most people think im at my late 20s but anyway, that is my consolation I guess. But it’s no consolation really, becos I don’t believe in hiding my age so that next thing I always do is to blurt out my age and I’ll first see the disbelief on their faces then the “thinking hard” look, calculating my age and picturing me an aged mom or whatever. I think that we should only have babies when we want to or if the situation arise, just got to learn to handle it, but whatever the case, society should not have an unspoken dogmatic view about an ideal mommy’s age like how the NATIONAL NEWSPAPER defines the ideal mom’s age as 24 – 30 or something along that line. All I remember is that I fall into the “dangerous” age or implying that the embro might be unhealthy or implying danger or unhealthy baby etc etc. when you read these kind of figures in terms of reports or findings, it limits your mind to think that there is truth to it. Anyway, I can’t just act out of fear or whatever so im just pointing out that it is useless telling people about those negative findings. It just makes matters worse. You either worry them or make them act in a haste or out of fear. So whatever good intention backfires. Never ever publish some limiting data that propagates limiting beliefs. The uneducated ones will suffer.
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